So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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