mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
