listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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