Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We are two peas in an std pod
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
