does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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