1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
