i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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