I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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