Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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