I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
