Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
