If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
