Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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