If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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