And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
