i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
