Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
