We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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