Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
