Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
