Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
