As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
