whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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