This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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