Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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