but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I have tasted many bathrooms
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
