If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
