Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
