Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
