I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
