When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
