my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
