Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
