he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
