So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
