So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
