I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I need to stop coming to work sober
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
