I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
