And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
