What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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