there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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