Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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