HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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