a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
