she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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