Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
