You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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