just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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