Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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