mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
