Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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