dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
