if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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