I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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