I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
