I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
smell my finger.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
