I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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