DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
